can't hear you breath anymore

no matter how hard i try to

remember what it is like to stand

next to you and breathe your air like

you're dead and I have to cope with

the loss of you. You're dead now

there's no you even when you're here

I can't touch you because you're dead

and your flesh is probably rotting somewhere

underground with the spiders and snakes

and earthworms and whatever else eats dirt.

I hate that it is 3 am and I am writing this

because your ghost follows me everywhere.

I hate that I can't wash you off like marker

with some soap and water in my sink and

that I can't slice you off my skin like bread

and that I can't cut you like my hair. I have to

live with your ghost forever my heart has a

gaping hole now because I let you pour yourself

into me. I was entirely consumed by everything

you were and I loved you

and it's god awful that you're

dead because there is

no scientifically sound way

that I can hold you unless I am dead too.